"You are the clit woman" - Isllama, to Fuzzo
Isllama is a current admin and member of Soda Gang. He is, by majority vote, gay. Nobody knows how gay he truly is, that has is considered a national mystery, no matter how hard he tries it's impossible to find anyone who is gayer.
He is the main antagonist of the Anti-Soda Gang Arc.
Personality[edit | edit source]
"These bees bouta make me act up"
Isllama is a raging K-Pop fan. He has spent his own money on posters for K-Pop.
As you can see Isllama is also a furry as we can see below. He's a huge fan of umbreon yiff and wanks to it every other night.
His fursona is a shiney umbreon in his pyro loadout.
He loves hard throbbing cowboy cocks, even more so if the cock is that of a furry. he loves that fluffy nuffy, and lickies all over them testie westies. He owo's and cummie wummies to "bussy" which stands for boy pussy, clarifying that he loves femboys. Due to his love of femboys, his father and mother have disowned him. he has also repeatedly disowned his older brother who is a fucking autist. Isllama has tried to murder him multiple times to no success.
History[edit | edit source]
All my life I've slaved in the corn fields of rural Arkansas to feed my family. Every single day all I've done is pick goddamn corn. Every single day they'd prop more up for me to have to pick. Do you have any fucking clue how hard that is? Through blizzards and hurricanes I've picked that goddamn corn, and you communist motherfuckers think you can just take my boy away from me? Fuck you. You'll get what's coming to you. This is war. In the summer of 1969 when JFK was shot do you know what I was doing? Picking that goddamn corn. That broke me you know? JFK was about to pass the Corn Picker's Pension Act of 1969 and they just up and killed him. Now I have no pension. Do you have any fucking clue how hard I've worked just be tossed away? And now they take my family away from me. This is a message to all communists. Bring me back my goddamn son. I was 13 years old when i discovered that i liked to masturbate while taking a shit. It just feels amazing. When I'm finished taking a shit, i masturbate right after to something in rule34. It's pretty good actually, never got tired of it. Noe i have a girlfriend.. well, i had, because when i was taking a shit i told her to come to the bathroom and asked her politely to give me a blowjob. She thought it was pretty weird because i was taking a shit, but she did it anyway until... she threw up on my dick. She couldn't held the terrible smell of my shit in the toilet.. weeks passed and she told me we should find other people. To this day i still like to masturbate while taking a shit.Ok... so hear me out. This dude walks up to a kid, calls him stupid. Rude, right? Ok, but it gets better. The kid denies that he’s stupid. “No I’m not!” He exclaims. The man decides to ask him a simple math question.This is probably to see if the child is stupid as the videographer claims. The math equation that must be solved is nine plus ten. Now, a fairly educated individual would say that the answer is nineteen, as simple addition is taught at a very young age.If you’ve lost interest, don’t go yet. This is where it gets interesting. The kid, without hesitation, says twenty-one. Twenty-one! That’s a whole 2 numerical spaces off from the correct answer! How stupid can this kid be!?!? Personally, I’m rolling on the ground due to laughter. The videographer reiterates his previous statement that the child is stupid, then the video ends. Is that not the funniest shit you’ve ever heard?
Say the gene pool is a body of water, right? Well that body of water would be used for many things, such as agriculture, drinking, and plumbing. Focusing on the latter, I've come to the conclusion that the percentage of the theoretical gene pool that gets used for public bathroom piss/shit water would be Florida. There are so many inbred troglodytes there who have less brain cells than they do toes, while simultaneously having 13 toes due to their mother also being their aunt. These people are built like Pugs, complete with the respiratory problems which makes them complain about wearing masks while the daily number of cases there has been pushing 10,000 for weeks now. Florida should be our number 1 target when firing nuclear warheads. I propose a full deletion of Florida and it's inhabitants. Thank you for your time (friend's name), that was my ted talk. Of course I have a wife. Her name is Zero Suit Samus. Her name is Samus Aran and she is a bounty huntress and she hunts bounties in her spaceship. She flies around the galaxy and she shoots Metroid and she's married to me. We're married. We're husband and WAIFU. Every day I come home from work, after a hot day of slaving over a hot keyboard, and I say "HONEY!!!". She runs to me wearing her Zero-Suit and an apron, with her boobs jiggling as she runs to me and she says "WELCOME HOME, HONEY!!!". And she gives me a big sloppy wet kiss with lots of saliva on the lips. And I say "It's so good to see you, honey!" and I kiss her back. *Ammwakfmff*listen here you piece of shit💩 you can keep laughing but karma 🔪is gonna come back for you and fuck you in the ass you little weak bitch ass fuck👿☠️😤🖕. Itll fuck you up bad. My dads stronger than you and hes going to beat you up so shut up you piece of shit unless you want to be fucked 😈in the ass by karma itself. My dads an important guy inthe police 👮♂️🔫so shut the fuck up or you’ll be fucked up so bad🔪🩸. are you scared because you should be, you shouldn't be laughing at me it’s dangerous because I have destiny 🔥🔥on my side and I’m a shark 🦈and a fighter 💪and youre a little loser bitch. 😈☠️😡🤬🤬😤I actually got to meet Neil Druckmann and a couple of his friends once while I was shopping. Seemed like a pretty chill dude, but this was after the leaks happened, and he looked a little worried. I decided to go up to him and try to strike up a conversation.
Me: Hey are you Neil Druckmann?
Neil: Yeah, are you a fan?
Me: Yeah! I loved The Last of Us!
Neil: That's good to hear man. Hey it was nice to meet a fan and all, but me and my buddies have to go take care of something.
Me: Yeah, have a good day! Oh! Neil! About those leaks...I don't particularly agree with the direction you decided take the story in, but-
At this point Neil pulled out a fucking glock and interrupted me.
Neil(holding his hand up to his ear in a condescending manner): Sorry, young man, I'm not sure if I heard you correctly. What was that again?
I was shocked and appalled. This man was pointing a gun at me in plain view, and nobody was doing or saying anything. His SJW cronies snickered at me as I stood there in what might have been the most dire situation in my life. I knew what Druckmann wanted me to do. He wanted me to say something positive about the leaks. I, however, am a strong believer in free speech.
Me: As I was saying, I don't particularly agree with the direction you decided take the story in, but-
Neil(shaking his head, with a smug grin): Wrong answer kid.
I fell to my knee. He had only shot me in the leg, but the pain was immeasurable. Neil knelt down to my level, and jammed his gun into my head.
Neil: Now listen here you little shit, I don't care what you really think about my game. I just want to hear you say that you liked the leaks. That's all. Can't you do that for me?
Now normally, I'm a really nice guy. A gentleman, some might even say. But sometimes, when I get pushed to my limit, I snap. I don't know how else to explain it, but people who have seen me in action never dared to anger me again...
And nothing pisses me off more than when someone tries to take away my freedom of speech.
I hit him with a mean right hook. The force of the punch sent him flying across the room. I slowly got up, despite the gunshot wound in my left leg, and walked over to where his body lay pathetically sprawled all over the floor. I looked into his eyes. He was crying like a child.
Neil: P-p-please sir.....I don't want this! I'll never do anything bad again! Just leave me alone!
I'm very merciful and trusting, but the anger within me was conflicting with those traits. I paused to think about it.
I fell to the floor. I couldn't stand anymore. I looked over my shoulder. One of Neil's SJW cronies had shot me in my other leg. Neil slowly got up, wiping the tears out of his eyes as if nothing had just happened. He kicked me in the face with all of his force. Then he kicked me again. And again. All while laughing maniacally.
Neil: Alright pal. I'm gonna give you one more chance to say something positive about the leaks. If you don't take it, I'm really gonna fucking kill you this time.
At this point I had no choice.
Me: I... I really think... based on the leaks... The Last of Us 2 has a solid shot... of... winning Game of the Year...
Neil grinned from ear to ear. He offered me his hand and helped me stand. He let me put my arm around his shoulder, and helped me walk.
Me: Are you going to help me get to my house?
Neil: Eventually, but I'm not done with you yet. No. You see young man, the second you admitted that The Last of Us 2 was going to be a masterpiece, you sold your soul to me. Heh. Now you're my bitch.
I closed my eyes. I didn't want to have to see the situation I got myself into. I was so ashamed...
When I opened my eyes, I saw that Neil had led me out to the back of the store. There was a stray dog, eating scraps from the garbage, not harming anyone. Neil pointed at the dog.
Neil: Kill it.
Me: Excuse me?
Neil: You pathetic wretch. You still don't get it do you? If you kill the doggo, I'll take you home. Pay for transportation and everything. If you refuse, I'll fucking kill you.
Neil put his glock in my hands pointed it at the dog, and firmly wrapped his hands around mine. I was at a loss. I had no idea what to do. I calmly assessed my options, and came to my conclusion.
I closed my eyes...and pulled the trigger....